i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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