It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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