I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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