My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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