also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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