then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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