Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
