One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
