its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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