i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
