Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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