I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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