i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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