why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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