i wish my penis had a tongue
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Pooping to opera.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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