I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
