so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
