So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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