i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
