I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
