Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
