it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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