we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
