Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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