your thong is hanging out like whoa
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
