I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
