over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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