The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
