walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
