dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
