the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
