If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
