I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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