I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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