Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
tell me about the fingering
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