Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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