Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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