if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
