so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
