so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
