There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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