I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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