I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
