census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize