how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
And then he peed in my hair
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