the condom got lost in my hair
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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