i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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