Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
there is puke in my bra ... again
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