Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
