I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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