Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
