Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it's great music for shaving your balls
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
