***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
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My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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