pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
they're like a gay fantastic four
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
