Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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