SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
