Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
