My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
