; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
