Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
