glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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