he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
