u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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