I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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