im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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