We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize