Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
