sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
