TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
