we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
