I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
