I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
