and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
