so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
